Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Different Side of Me

Ever Feel like the whole weight of the world is just coming crashing down on you? And i don't mean just the day to day things we have to do in life. But i mean you can actually feel the weight of the world, the worries of the masses, the cries of the thousands, the griefs, the mourning, the sheer sadness? I don't know why, but for some reason lately i have. I think to some degree i always have. I have always felt like i was pretty in tune to the world around me, and the things and people that surround me. I have always been a background person, an observer, a people watcher i guess. To sit back and absorb what happens around me. To see the reactions of others, the emotions, well life. Even sometimes just sitting on my patio, listening to the sounds of the world, the sirens, the cars screeching, the winds rustling, dogs barking. Its all communication. The world as a whole communicates every second of every day to us.

But for some reason lately its increased. I have felt this huge sadness. I cant place it, but its everywhere i go. I sense it in everything, and even in nothing. Sometimes its so overwhelming it makes not just cry, but truly grieve.

I sat in traffic today on my way home from work. sitting at a stop light, a funeral procession was going in front of me. It was in slow motion, at least to me it was. I could feel the cries, the grief passing before me. I could hear it in my heart. I have no idea who it was. But for some reason it was so strong, i felt like i did. I felt as if it could have been my own mother. The sadness was so overwhelming, tears couldn't help but fall. And car after car after car went by. One of the longer processions i have seen in a long time. So maybe that is why? Someone who was obviously greatly loved had passed. So does that amount of grief then, project? It must, i guess the question is, are you open or vulnerable enough to feel it. I am not sure why lately i am, but i am.

That feeling has not left me since. I cant shake it. And it's not just this funeral procession, but so many other things. I think i have always had a stronger empathy for people, because of all the medical stuff i have gone through and things i have seen. So i think i have always opened myself up to these feelings more. And, never would i regret that. But its odd how now, all the sudden its so strong. Almost as if the world as a whole is crying. What does this mean? I cant think its nothing. I cant think its my imagination. Is there something greater to come? Something on a mass scale?

So i listen to the cries. I feel the grief. I let the tears come. For something i cannot see. For something i cannot understand yet. But maybe one day will


Joy De Vivre Design said...

That I would say is compassion and I think it is a wonderful thing to have. I worry about those who do not get sad when they see someone else hurting.

I understand where you are coming from, though. Often I have to remind myself not to get my mind so wrapped up in things that are sad and live for all of the wonderful things.

Great post!

snowy652 said...

so much to ponder -- I understand you --